I promise Im gonna get back on here and do a major updating soon. For now Id like to simply inform you that one, my mom and sister are coming in 6 days which I am soooooo crazy excited for, everybody over here is crazy excited. And also, that I am having an existencial crisis. Im about halfway through my trip. Halfway? Halfway. When I speak to you guys back home, I am reminded where my heart is. But I have been reborn here in Brazil. Remember the photos from my neighborhood from one of the first blogs? Those are still my closest friends here. The problem is Im netiher just passing through or staying long enough to satisfy myself. I love these people. Some of them actually know me. Some of them see me almost every day. Some of them live in my condiminium. It is not that I feel Brazillian, I still feel like the American morena, its just that I have a place now. When I leave my heart will hurt, and years will go by itll seem like it was a dream. They all tell me theyre gonna come to new york and stay with me-but there is something that tells me my worlds will never collide.
Let me tell you something about living dreams that you had and finding out that its even better in reality. Dont do it. Stay at home. Marry the guy next door you always got along with. Dont come here and look at these stars. Dont come here and love these beatiful and sensitive men. Stay home and get accustomed to the cold. It isnt worth it. Write poetry about what you think castles look like. Write articles about what you think poverty looks like. But stay there, leave some artistic distance. Because you will come and find that its prettier, bigger and heavier than you imagined. You will learn why you were born with tearducts and you will fall in love with red land and dying things. Dont come and find out which child has aids. Dont watch Stefani bike home on a broken leg. Come here on vacation and stick to the beach.
Leave your dream in the abstract form. I beg you.
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